Core Wellness

For today I am going to put aside my entries about relationships with food, body image, and exercise and write about a subject that has hindered many weight loss journeys, including my own.

Depression and anxiety have the power to stop people in their tracks and destroy goals. I have personal experience with this problem and even to this day (and probably for the rest of my life) I struggle with this disorder. At over 250 pounds, I realized that therapy showed me that my obesity was a by product of my depression and my obesity was contributing to my depression and social anxiety. Often I would stay home for days and weeks at a time, afraid of what others would think of me. My family and friends thought that I was being ridiculous! But they have never experienced the stares, whispers, and laughter from strangers. Or being teased and tortured by classmates and people who pretend to be your friend just to humiliate you later because they were fat and uncomfortable in their own body and mind.

Once I realized that only I have the power to change, did I decide to change my lifestyle. I began to eat aright and exercise diligently. After a year of determination and hard work I lost 105 pounds! I was very proud of myself and my confidence was at an all time high. During my weight loss journey I “discovered” that by going to the gym regularly my moodiness and anxiety was greatly reduced. My therapist confirmed my findings and recommended that I kept working-out at least 2-3x a week.

Unfortunately, once I reached my goal weight I stopped exercising all together. My motivation was gone and my depression slowly returned. Before I knew it, I was in a hospital barely breathing and not wanting to live. I tried to kill myself because even at 150 pounds, I wasn’t happy. My assumptions that losing weight would completely cure my depression was wrong!

It wasn’t until I confronted myself and changed my relationship with my body that I was able to be comfortable in my skin. (I still struggle with body image, but it gets easier everyday.)

I still battle with depression (and probably will for the rest of my life) and anxiety, and have put on a few pounds because of it, but I know better now. I know that regular exercise and proper nutrition will not only get me back down to a size 6 but also help my depression.

The studies are there. It has been proven that exercise releases serotonin in the brain creating a feeling of happiness and contentment.

So on a Sunday like this when I feel sadness trying to bring me down, you can find me in the gym!